Very scared at the moment.
I currently have been struggling with my Eating Disorder (lets face it; I was never doing amazing), and my brother and his girlfriend are coming over shortly and she has ALWAYS wanted to go out and have Sushi with me (not the raw salmon shit, I like the rice with avocado and veggies) but she was/is aware of my Eating Disorder so we decided to wait until I was recovered/recovering.
I told her about my weight gain, and I told her I was doing better (which is kind of a lie I suppose…) and she texted me saying
“Now we can go on Sushi dates!!”
and I replied saying
“FUCK YEAH!” (I really DO love sushi lol) but she sprung THIS on me
“Is there anywhere near your house that sells some!”
In my head I was freaking the fuck out. I feel like I just walked myself into a dead end. But I replied saying
“Yeah Foodland sells some”
I know she will understand if I change my mind, she has always been understanding and supportive. But I just feel so on the fence right now, I WANT SUSHI! But my Eating Disorder doesn’t…
So I have been gone for quiet some time now, no particular reason just kind of stopped.
A lot of things have happened lately.
I am not exactly sure where I left off but I will just start talking; I have been hospitalized numerous times lately, seizures, withdrawals from alcohol, things like that. I hit my lowest weight of 90lbs. Decided to attempt recovery. I have currently gained about 15-25lbs (I don’t know, haven’t weighed myself), my mind is still very much struggling with my Eating Disorder and the thoughts and the weight gain, I am actually currently relapsing, I was never doing FANTASTIC but I was able to eat a few meals with my family, I still struggled with purging, binging, etc.
I didn’t eat for one week and ended up having to go to hospital.
As some of you may know I am an alcoholic, my liver is failing. So that sucks. (Don’t drink guys).
I am still currently battling my addiction and my Eating Disorder.
My current state is my drinking is still daily, my Eating Disorder is getting bad again, I am now currently back with struggling with my Bulimia, I am back into self-harm. It’s extremely difficult. But I am hoping that soon I will be 100% recovered and not just 50%.
I guess that is basically the jist of it.
